Jukebox Skipping

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Murphy's, Salt Lake City -- REVIEW

Salk Lake City "Irish" Bar

60 South Main Street  
Salt Lake City, UT 84101
(801) 359-7271

Binge-Drinking Ben Reporting:

Pet Peeve...
Total Population of Ireland: 6,380,661
Number of “Irish” Pubs in U.S.:  7,372,853

Great beer specials with a wide selection. Clean and the people seemed nice enough.  They sell Kamel Red Lights in a machine in the bar!  I had never seen that before.

In certain pockets of the bar, the douchy pretension level seemed to be a bit high I must say. Nothing to do really. No pool table, no darts, no games If you’re in to that kind of thing.  Too many posters of John Stockton wearing his Utah Jazz ooobabies.  Stop it already

Any mormons in here?
I’ve heard many stories and had many preconceived notions about Salt Lake City and it’s social atmosphere.  Well, no need to sugarcoat it for my realistic HTD readers, I was wondering whether or not I’d be able to find a place to get hammered after work.  And where there's a will there's a way!  I found a cool enough bar.

Hmmm.  Now I’m no mathematician (actually I am) but I’d say there is a significant number of “Irish”bar and pub owners out there that are full ‘O’ Sh*t, eh Seamus?  Well whatever, it’s a bar, I’m in a very strange town in a galaxy far far away, and I’m thirsty…I’m going in!

Beer and smokes
It was a pleasant Monday evening in Downtown Salt Lake City.  The work of the day was complete,dinner with my boss was over and it was time to see what lies beneath the surface in the most religiously conservative metropolitan area in the U. S. of A.   As I walked down the street from my hotel, I couldn’t help but notice how clean this city was. 

For the first time in my life I actually felt a little guilt about flicking my ciggy to the curb (Just that first one).  The flicking of the next seventeen cigs went off without a hitch.   Unfortunately,much more symptomatic of every other big city downtown, there was no shortage of vagabonds wandering aimlessly about, asking for money and smokes…and for once it wasn’t me. Now that feels much more like home!

First Impressions:  I walked in to Murphy’s Bar and Grill just as the sun was setting over the SLC skyline and friends, it was an amazing sight.  But than something even more beautiful caught my eye.  The sign on the chalkboard read:  Monday Night - 25oz PBR Draws $3.00.  Is there anything better than a big ass beer?  Why yes, a slightly cheaper big ass beer! 

The Bar
: I sat down and was promptly and politely carded, order taken, and served. This was starting out well. Although I think my out-of-towner vibe was coming on pretty strong,everybody in the place seemed pleasant and inviting.  The interior of this joint was well…unorganized and a little tacky I guess.  You could tell at one point they were trying to stick to the Irish theme but then some boneheaded bartender started bringing in his Utah Jazz and UofU memorabilia from his junior high bedroom (which, if my theory is correct, he undoubtedly still lives in) and started hanging that useless crap on the walls of the bar. 

New beer ONLY after you finish
The Crowd:  However dumb-looking it was, it was much cleaner than your average eastern Nebraska dive bar but did still fit the classification for our reviewing due to its low volume, mellow mood, and the amount of total friggin’ wierdos lining the bar. There was a hipster drinking scotch and dicking around on his iPad, there was a dude who thought he was at CBGB’s in New York with his three ft. radius, magenta mohawk, some young tough-guys with the flat bills cocked to the side (white dudes, mormo-thugs?), the after-work business crowd, and then me in the corner,snapping photos, staring at people, and leaving everyone wondering what the hell my deal is.

Service:  Bartenders will not even ask you about another drink until your current drink is bone dry.  They were not that busy and I noticed all the bartenders doing this with all the customers so I really don’t think it was a case of bad service.  Prompt and friendly, but as previously noted, you have to fully dominate your current beer to get another helping. .  I tried one beer called Provo Girl and it was pretty good.  I mostly drank PBR but if you are an adventurous beer drinker than you’re in good hands here. 

Food:  Although I didn’t eat there, I scanned the menu which boasted a pretty solid lineup of apps and bar sandwiches and there were some amazing smells coming out of that kitchen.  Maybe next time.

Not too shabby
Restrooms:   Clean and bright…too bright actually, in-contrast to the bar.  Every time you have to take a leak, you risk burning your retinas.

How Far Did My $20 Get Me?  If I recall correctly, I had four of those 25oz Pabst's and a pint of Provo Girl.  With a generous tip I laid down $20.00even.  Not bad at all because I walked out of there with a FAT buzz.

Final Impressions:  Not bad Murphy’s of Salt Lake City.  You have impressed me.  Another pretty generic Irish bar but hey, you offer beer at fair prices, poured by friendly people.  That’s a step in the right direction. Thanks for the cheapbuzz Murphy’s, I would stop by here again when I’m in town. Uh oh…How the f#ckdo I get back to my hotel?

5 out of 10

It will do when you need a beer or 5 in SLC


  1. The grandma from Who's The BossMay 26, 2012 at 12:28 PM

    I'd bang him.

  2. Fascinating writing skills. Absolutely love following your blog.

  3. At HitThatDIve...we like to take the phrase "Dumb it down" to a whole new level!

  4. How do you know the bartender lives with his mom? Don't you think that was a fucking stupid thing to write?

    1. I think Ben's quote was "(which, if my theory is correct, he undoubtedly still lives in)" in reference to the basement he grew up in during junior high.

      Not sure, I wasn't there...maybe the bartender looked like he was 19?